Bad Device Chain Challenge

The "Bad Device Chain" Challenge comes from a long-past discussion we had with friends while we were teenagers. There were a number of bad pedals, but the one that was given the high honor of "the worst" (actually used the word "sh****est") but we aim to keep this a "relatively clean" site.

The pedal that was "the worst" was the DOD Performer 555-A Distortion. It sounded like a fart machine. The pedal's aesthetics were horrible, aka: It was possibly the ugliest pedal you could buy. It felt as heavy as a brick. It took two 9-volt batteries and STILL sounded worse than pedals that only used *1* 9-volt battery. It was physically poorly designed, with a battery door that would intermittently fall off. By the time we had gotten around to this discussion the battery door had already fallen off so many times that it was lost. The failure to design a decent enclosure was compounded by an 18-volt AC power adapter that required a 1/4" jack - same size plug as an instrument cord. The pedal needed an LED power indicator because it was (except for the sound changing, of course) otherwise impossible to tell if the pedal was "on" by engaging the pedal!

After musing it over with friends, the idea was to take this pedal and record a badly written, unmelodic, uninspired, and mediocre-sounding song called "Sh***y!". The only vocals would be someone yelling "Sh***y!" at various random times when the chords would stop so someone could yell "Sh***y!"

The attempt at getting "Sh***y!" recorded was as half-hearted as the idea for the song.

By the time there was actually any real impetus to get the song started, the wires that connected the 9-volt batteries (2 of them, remember!) to the rest of the pedal had broken. The 555-A Distortion was dead. Therefore the idea for making "Sh***y!" was dead.

But like a Phoenix rising from the ashes of a previous defeat, we have a new and conceptually superior challenge. It's simple: Write and perform a great sounding song using the crappiest equipment possible. We call for all people who are suitably inspired to create great sounding songs while limiting yourselves to the worst-sounding equipment:

• bad-sounding instrument
• inferior pickups
• bad effects
• cruddy amplifiers

All connectors must work. Bad cords do not contribute to helping crummy instruments/effects/amps sounding crummy. Therefore parts of a performance "dropping out" due to broken or bad cords fail.

And yes, we have found, via eBay, another DOD Performer 555-A Distortion. We even have the battery cover and all wires. And we have the goofy 1/4" 18-volt power cord. Plus, if the battery wires to the pedal breaks, we have a soldering station to fix that.

But we need your suggestions as to the crappiest equipment possible. We'll try and get the absolutely worst pieces.